Thursday, December 27, 2007

Cialis and the Real Chamber of Secrets

Cialis and the Real Chamber of Secrets:
Another Gripping Espionage Thriller Starring Harry Palms

I was on set performing take 37 of a crucial stunt on my latest picture, which of course, involved me being naked along with several refugees from the Cirque du Soleil boot camp and our frequent co-star Roxy in a Little Bo Peep costume.

Naturally, the movie was a historical feature.

My name is Palms, Harry Palms - porn star by day, top secret agent by night. And I got to tell you, if it weren't for Cialis online prescriptions, I'd hear "Cut!" even when the cameras weren't rolling.

That was the day one of our couriers rushed up and said, "This is it! We're getting the big one, Harry."

"I thought I had the big one," I growled.

He shook his head, and then I knew what he meant. Our next case was to uncover the ultimate intelligence secret. Years ago, Sigmund Freud - who was working for our side - had blown his cover to ask the question: "What do women want?"

Even asking it was dangerous. The enemy tortured the poor guy to death with nipple clamps. Freud had tried to defend himself with one of our top secret gadgets, but he forgot that sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

I went to headquarters to be briefed by our man in charge, the Big O.

"Nice briefs," I said.

"Well, for crying out loud, Harry, we know you're good, but you can't keep walking around without pants on!" he complained. "Now listen, you'll definitely need Cialis on this, so I hope you've had the chance to order your online prescriptions. Because our research team has made a breakthrough."

I whistled, impressed. For years, they'd been trying to crack the problem: What do women want? They were able to determine some clues as to what ugly chicks want, but no one was terribly interested in the answer. And no one ever heard again from our special team assigned to find out what lesbians want. Poor bastards were apparently mesmerized in the observation room, fogging up the glass with heavy breathing and refusing all food and drink.

"We've learned that the enemy's new top sexual athlete, Kama Sutra, holds the secret to what women want," said O. "But the information is so secret, she's hiding in a fortress in a hidden delta of India.

"I have to be honest, Harry, this is a suicide mission. You know how Cialis works, but even if you get to Kama Sutra, she'll exhaust you with multiple positions, contortionist variations that will wear down even the advantage of Cialis! The last time anyone saw gymnastics like this, Barbie did Ken in Dallas."

"I think I can romance a babe like that to give up her secret," I boasted. "A little drink, a little dancing."

The Big O was doubtful. "Yes, I'm sure you'll be swaying, Palms. But in case you need the extra help, go see our team leader in Gadgets Division."

So I went down to Gadgets and cheerfully greeted its manager. "Stew!" I called out. Unfortunately, my hand came to rest on a set of chattering joke teeth that the tech boys had adapted for cunnilingus - a truly effective interrogation technique. The teeth clicked along and slobbered over five lab coats before somebody switched it off.

"Oh, grow up, K-Y," said Stew. Such a curmudgeon - he always referred to me by my alphabetic code name. I thought if anyone could use Cialis online prescriptions to get a brighter outlook on things, it was Stew.

"Now pay attention, K-Y," he snapped. "We're on the rubbing edge of sexual technology down here, and we've come up with some truly ingenious devices to help you on this mission. See these?" He dropped into my hand two tiny contact lenses.

"In case you start to feel a lack of enthusiasm, these lenses allow you to see and hear any celebrity fantasy girl you prefer. We have the Jessica Alba lenses, the Halle Berry lenses - we tried a pair of Pamela Anderson lenses, but the audio babbled on and on about how fur was murder, and our agents got drowsy."

"I don't need these!" I sneered. "The advantage of Cialis is it gives you longer-lasting, firmer erections. And the side effects of Cialis are mild compared to staring at Jessica Alba and wondering why she did Good Luck, Chuck."

Stew rolled his eyes. "At the very least, you'll need to take our new jet-propelled car to breach Kama Sutra's fortress. Because of its unique ability to break the sound barrier, we call this model the Dong."

I furrowed my brow as I checked out the long tube-like machine with its bulbous head at the front and its slim lines. "You sure that's the only reason you called it that?"

"Can't think of another," shrugged Stew. "Now we have a more compact model, the Stubby Dong, in various colors, and our Long Dong in Silver."

"I see," I said, nodding.

"Your car has certain gadget features, including cruise control with optional love seat in the back, plus we've designed a special spraying oil slick that shoots out a coat of lubrication. It'll help the Dong penetrate the fibrous plastic membrane barrier of Kama Sutra's fortress. There are various eunuch guards they call the High Men, and this sticky lubricant we call Jelly will take care of them fast."

"Jelly?" I laughed. "You must be joking."

"K-Y, Jelly can be a life-saving lubricant!" Stew insisted, getting cross. "And I never joke about my work, Palms."

"We'll see," I told him, patting his shoulder as I turned to go. "I put my faith in Cialis online prescriptions."

I caught my flight to Mumbai that evening. As I left the airport, our top female operative, Sima, called out to me from a taxi.

"Welcome to India, Mr. Palms!" she laughed. Then she introduced me to her new husband, Krishna.

"Harry - Krishna. Krishna? Harry." We shook hands.

Since Sima was always an open-minded gal, we all went back to my hotel for a threesome. Krishna was fascinated by how Cialis works, and I didn't mind explaining with a few demonstrations on Sima.

Later, our special crate with the Dong arrived, and as I drove it out of Mumbai, I put on the thrusters to reach the hidden delta, which seemed to lie below a great line of bush. Just as Stew promised, the fortress had guards - the simpering eunuchs - but I used the Jelly to break through the High Men, and then I was inside.

"You're Kama Sutra?" I said in shock when I found her.

She was a gorgeous tall blonde with blue eyes and legs I really wanted to introduce to my shoulders.

"I was expecting..."

"Yeah, I get that a lot," she chirped, and she popped a cherry into her mouth. I watched her tongue play around with the stem in her cheeks, and when she pulled out it out, it spelled out her name. "I suppose you think your seductive ways can break me."

"How about a lot of useless bending and perspiring?" I suggested. I popped my Cialis pill in my mouth and got ready for action. Thank God for quick-release suspenders.

Kama Sutra ripped off her clothes and then showed me the joy of double-jointedness. But once again, the powerful advantage of Cialis outlasted every creative position she could think of, even the really tricky one that involved a big toe massage. (Don't ask).

"All right," she screamed in ecstasy, "you've figured out part of what women want! I'll tell you the rest, but you must promise to do it, no matter how excruciating it gets!"

I knew what I was getting into. It would be the challenge of my career.

When I got back to headquarters, O was pleased that online Cialis prescriptions had worked again, and then he asked, "So what do women want, Harry? And what did you have to do to find out?"

"The women... They want... they want..." Traumatized, I could barely get it out. "They want us to listen to them," I choked.

"Good lord, no!"

But the most powerful gadget Stew had given me in my arsenal had worked - a set of earplugs. Harry Palms would, indeed, ride again.

Thanks to Online Drugstore



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